Rajah

I can’t believe that already fifteen summers passed from the summer noon on which Rajah left me. I feel that I am desensitized to Rajah’s memories now. Because thinking about Rajah did not bring tears to my eyes today. I think I lived with him for five years. You may think that was a long standing affair! Yes, that was. You will really be surprised if I tell you that I met Rajah for the first time when I was just seven. One summer evening (I remember the season only because I get a long vacation from school) he came to our house with my brother. My dad was so impressed with his looks and family back ground hence he supported my brother’s idea of allowing Rajah to live with us in spite of the strong opposition from my grandmother and my mother as well. I was very neutral and indifferent since I dint want to be either prejudiced or create convivial atmosphere for strangers.

I dint know much about Rajah’s family then. I was sure his mother lives in the same village but I never found him homesick but extremely cheerful from the day one at our place. I felt that he liked our house. In that small village we lived in a big house with a spacious courtyard and a beautiful garden (cultivated by my dad). We also had a few chicken and hens in our house. I love them the most because as soon as I come back from the school I used to peep into the half broken pot filled with husks in which dad keeps the hen to hatch the eggs. For all those reasons I thought Rajah liked my house. He started playing with my brother from the first day; of course they became friends from before but he was equally excited to play with my dad and me. It’s little uncomfortable for me that he shows over enthusiasm to play with me. At first, I started running around in the courtyard of our house to escape from him and was extremely reluctant to go near to him or to play with him. But somehow my brother induced me to be friendly to Rajah because if Rajah loses my support, he would be sent out soon. Perhaps my brother loves Rajah so much that he could not think of losing Rajah at any cost.

Even though I hesitated in the beginning, soon I began to play with Rajah. Most of the times, I used to play with my brother and Rajah during the day time on Sundays in particular. When my brother went out on bicycle to meet his other friends, I used to play with Rajah at home. I was not very outgoing during my childhood unlike my brother. So, Rajah used to get plenty of time to spend with me alone. He sometimes used to come on to my bed and sleep next to me. When there was no one at home, he used to come behind my back to lick over my neck and back which made me get annoyed at him many times. He used to rapidly nibble the edges of my fingers playfully without hurting them in anyway. I started feeling good to have him around. I loved to feel the warmth of his body and the way he cuddles me in the night. I knew you must be thinking that my Rajah is too romantic! But I was too young to notice that fact. Soon, Rajah had become one of our family members. He used to take bath with me, eat with me, run and play with me. Often he was sent with me for shopping also. To tell you the fact, he was very protective about me. He also wanted to go to my school with me but dad was not ready to send him with me to school.

Dad, me and my brother had become such close friends to Rajah and soon mom also started liking him for his innocent looks and sincerity in all the work that was assigned to him. Truly speaking my grandmother was the only person who was so reluctant to accept Rajah as part our family. I was a little upset due to this and I even cried and fought with grandma when she ill-treated Rajah. But Rajah was so innocent that he loved my grandma equally and tried his best to play with her too. Rajah’s food habits were very much similar to our family’s. Though ours was a meet eating family, I never liked eating non-vegetarian when I was small. But dad, my brother and Rajah used to relish non-vegetarian at the dining table. Nevertheless, Rajah liked Ghee rice and rice with Sugar etc.

When I turned eight, my dad got a transfer to another village which was a bit far from the village we were living in then. In the same year, dad fell sick for a long time. Mom went to city with dad for admitting him in the hospital. Most of my mom’s and grand mom’s earnings used to go in dad’s medical expenditure. I stayed with my grandma, Rajah and my brother in that new (house and) village. We hardly had any money left to buy things for ourselves after spending it for dad’s medicines every month. Somehow, grand mom managed to give us food and clothing even though it was palpable that it wasn’t easy for her. During this period of my life I hardly used to see my mom and dad; say once in three months. I started feeling bad for grandma that she was pushed into debts for feeding us. She used to cook rice and dhal or some vegetable to feed us daily. Even during such hard times, we never thought of Rajah as a burden to our family. Whatever was given to us by grand mom, we shared it with Rajah though grand mom never liked the idea of sharing everything equally with him.

Every morning grandma used to give me and my brother two rupees to buy Idlies from the nearby shop which made our break fast. My Grand mom never used to take a share from those Idlies in the morning. She used to eat the left over rice and butter milk as her break fast (she dint want to spend money on her break fast). We used to give the share of our Idlies to Rajah every morning. My grand mother was always unhappy that we waste her hard (and meager perhaps) earned money on Rajah. She couldn’t accept Rajah as part of our family ever.

Even in this new village, we lived in a house which had a big courtyard but the landlady of the house lived in the other portion of our house which was a little irritating especially when we (children) were told to be quiet always. Rajah was also not very happy because the landlady and landlord of the house always used to complain against Rajah and sometimes even about the presence of Rajah. They gave false witness against Rajah and asked my family to restrain his mobility. He could never freely move and play in the courtyard or outside the compound. I felt bad for him. I felt nostalgic for our past life in which Rajah was very cheerful and playful. Day by day he was losing his energy. I had a feeling that he was missing my dad, just as I was missing my mom and dad. Mom was attending dad at hospital in Hyderabad, a city not near to our village. Raja was very obedient to dad and he used to love to play with him. Rajah used to give poses to dad’s cam too. He used to take bath only when dad monitors him. That was the reason I started feeling that Raja was missing my dad.

Time passed (and changed too) that I got those colorful days of my life back once gain. Dad got well and one fine day mom came back with him. I turned the happiest person ever since my mom was with me and I was proud that dad was at home to protect me from the landlady’s complaints. Grand mom was happy too for us. I and my brother once again started playing with Rajah in the courtyard without fearing the owner of our house. Dad took too many photographs that year with his cam. I used to apply crimson red colour lipstick for photographs. Rajah gave different poses too. Jumping into the air and rolling on the ground etc were his famous ones. That year my brother learned karate, so he gave poses in that dress to my dad’s cam. I did not know those colorful days turn pale soon again.

Dad was seriously ill again. He was taken to the doctor by mom. Mom took him to Chennai hospital. Grandma, my brother and me also had to go to hospital to attend my dad soon. In that case, there would be nobody to look after Rajah once we go to attend dad. We requested our landlady (neighbours too) to cook rice and feed Rajah till we come back. They agreed. But I knew my owner’s family won’t do it sincerely because they dint like Rajah at all. They had even physically abused him once we went to school leaving Rajah alone at home. So, grand mom and mom thought that Rajah should go back to the village we lived in two years back to stay with my brother’s friend in whose house Rajah’s mother lives. When Rajah was small, he came with brother leaving his friend’s house. Rajah had twenty- one toe nails (toes too) which impressed my dad because it was believed that someone with twenty-one toe nails is equivalent to a tiger. Allegedly Rajah’s mom was still there in that village. So, I too thought Rajah would be happier there with his mother than in this house left alone without us. One day, my brother’s friend from the village came to take back Rajah to that village. Rajah was not ready or even prepared to be sent. I believe I don’t need to share my pain at that moment here with you. I wept that my beloved was taken away from me. But I knew he would be back soon after my dad gets well. But still I and my brother felt so gloomy and lonely without Rajah. The next morning, as usual, I bought Idlies for break fast. I ate two Idlies and left two for my brother in the packet itself. I went out into the courtyard of our house to wash my hands with water from the bucket. I couldn’t believe my eyes that there was….someone like…he looked like...no…it was Rajah. Yes! It was Rajah. I shouted, “Brother! Please come out and see the miracle! Rajah came back.” “Please sister, don’t kid me…” said my brother. “You please come and see yourself” I shouted once again. He came out and got shocked and surprised and contentedly hugged rajah. My brother was glad and surprised and happy. I rushed into the kitchen and brought one Idly from the packet to offer it to rajah. Only thought that occurred to my mind was that Rajah must be hungry. I dint know whether he was truly hungry. I did not observe whether he ate that Idly or not. Grandma was so worried that Rajah came back since we were to leave for the city soon to see my dad. My brother and I were chatting and discussing for too long about how rajah came running alone from the faraway village to this place.
My brother said, “Rajah came back from that village alone which would take us three hours to travel from here by bus itself.”
“Yeah, is it not unbelievable? I cannot remember the way to dad’s office from home. But Rajah can find ways to any place in the world I think.” I was so proud of my Rajah.
“I remember the story we were told in our childhood about a brother and sister taken way in the cart and they throw stones on the road to remember the way back…”
“yes! exactly…I was also reminded of the same story today brother!”

After a few days when my dad was still there in the hospital, I was taken to a neighbouring aunt’s natal house for a vacation. I was so depressed that I was missing my dad and mom a lot. So, that aunt thought that change of place would help me. I was doing little better in that aunt’s house. That aunt’s husband went with my mother to the hospital to help her in attending my dad. One afternoon, Aunt’s husband came to see aunt at her natal house. But I could not understand why he was taking me on his bike to some place which I could not guess. At first, I thought he was a bad man and going to sell me as I heard that men do often sell girl children to Bombay. On the way I read the name of the village on the board that it was the village next to our ancestral village. I asked my uncle several times that what was the need to go that village then. He dint answer my question but he said that all my family members were there and nothing to worry. We entered that village which we had gone only rarely before my dad fell sick for the first time. I was suspecting something but I dint know what was that. I was dropped in front of our old ancestral house around which a huge crowd of people were standing. I did not expect this. Nobody I knew were there. But all of them were sobbing and mourning. People were gazing at me. They gave me way to enter the house. I saw my dad was sleeping on the cot and all my family members were sobbing sitting around him. I also felt like crying. But I dint know whether I could. I thought they would make fun of me if I cry because I was a small girl. By the way, what was that smell? Was it of those Agarbattis? Who called it a fragrance? It smelled death for me.

After a few days everything was normal for everyone but not to me or to my family. I dint feel like playing or roaming around anymore. I was quite nostalgic for my smiles. I could readily shed tears whenever I felt like since all I do was just weeping. I came back to the village we were living in. I started to feel that going to school was an unnecessary affair because people there are heartless. Without knowing how I was feeling, they wanted me to do my homework.

It took time for me to notice that Rajah was not normal. All this while, he was fed by our landlady’s family. Was he angry that we sent him back to his village? We were not trying to disown him. I swear that my idea behind sending him back to that village was only to bring him back once my dad was alright. I tried to explain this to Rajah many times. Was he missing my dad? In that case, he would have been alright if my dad had come back home. I never told him about dad because I though that he would cry. But it was high time for me to do something about Rajah.


I gave him boiled meat and bones he used to like and ghee rice one day. I took him out with me into the garden another day. I unchained him completely then. Still, he was not fine. I could not say what went wrong with Rajah. From the day he came back home from that village, he never ate, he never played with us, he never ran or jumped in the garden, he never licked me, never nibbled my hand, never cuddles me in the night.