Rajah

I can’t believe that already fifteen summers passed from the summer noon on which Rajah left me. I feel that I am desensitized to Rajah’s memories now. Because thinking about Rajah did not bring tears to my eyes today. I think I lived with him for five years. You may think that was a long standing affair! Yes, that was. You will really be surprised if I tell you that I met Rajah for the first time when I was just seven. One summer evening (I remember the season only because I get a long vacation from school) he came to our house with my brother. My dad was so impressed with his looks and family back ground hence he supported my brother’s idea of allowing Rajah to live with us in spite of the strong opposition from my grandmother and my mother as well. I was very neutral and indifferent since I dint want to be either prejudiced or create convivial atmosphere for strangers.

I dint know much about Rajah’s family then. I was sure his mother lives in the same village but I never found him homesick but extremely cheerful from the day one at our place. I felt that he liked our house. In that small village we lived in a big house with a spacious courtyard and a beautiful garden (cultivated by my dad). We also had a few chicken and hens in our house. I love them the most because as soon as I come back from the school I used to peep into the half broken pot filled with husks in which dad keeps the hen to hatch the eggs. For all those reasons I thought Rajah liked my house. He started playing with my brother from the first day; of course they became friends from before but he was equally excited to play with my dad and me. It’s little uncomfortable for me that he shows over enthusiasm to play with me. At first, I started running around in the courtyard of our house to escape from him and was extremely reluctant to go near to him or to play with him. But somehow my brother induced me to be friendly to Rajah because if Rajah loses my support, he would be sent out soon. Perhaps my brother loves Rajah so much that he could not think of losing Rajah at any cost.

Even though I hesitated in the beginning, soon I began to play with Rajah. Most of the times, I used to play with my brother and Rajah during the day time on Sundays in particular. When my brother went out on bicycle to meet his other friends, I used to play with Rajah at home. I was not very outgoing during my childhood unlike my brother. So, Rajah used to get plenty of time to spend with me alone. He sometimes used to come on to my bed and sleep next to me. When there was no one at home, he used to come behind my back to lick over my neck and back which made me get annoyed at him many times. He used to rapidly nibble the edges of my fingers playfully without hurting them in anyway. I started feeling good to have him around. I loved to feel the warmth of his body and the way he cuddles me in the night. I knew you must be thinking that my Rajah is too romantic! But I was too young to notice that fact. Soon, Rajah had become one of our family members. He used to take bath with me, eat with me, run and play with me. Often he was sent with me for shopping also. To tell you the fact, he was very protective about me. He also wanted to go to my school with me but dad was not ready to send him with me to school.

Dad, me and my brother had become such close friends to Rajah and soon mom also started liking him for his innocent looks and sincerity in all the work that was assigned to him. Truly speaking my grandmother was the only person who was so reluctant to accept Rajah as part our family. I was a little upset due to this and I even cried and fought with grandma when she ill-treated Rajah. But Rajah was so innocent that he loved my grandma equally and tried his best to play with her too. Rajah’s food habits were very much similar to our family’s. Though ours was a meet eating family, I never liked eating non-vegetarian when I was small. But dad, my brother and Rajah used to relish non-vegetarian at the dining table. Nevertheless, Rajah liked Ghee rice and rice with Sugar etc.

When I turned eight, my dad got a transfer to another village which was a bit far from the village we were living in then. In the same year, dad fell sick for a long time. Mom went to city with dad for admitting him in the hospital. Most of my mom’s and grand mom’s earnings used to go in dad’s medical expenditure. I stayed with my grandma, Rajah and my brother in that new (house and) village. We hardly had any money left to buy things for ourselves after spending it for dad’s medicines every month. Somehow, grand mom managed to give us food and clothing even though it was palpable that it wasn’t easy for her. During this period of my life I hardly used to see my mom and dad; say once in three months. I started feeling bad for grandma that she was pushed into debts for feeding us. She used to cook rice and dhal or some vegetable to feed us daily. Even during such hard times, we never thought of Rajah as a burden to our family. Whatever was given to us by grand mom, we shared it with Rajah though grand mom never liked the idea of sharing everything equally with him.

Every morning grandma used to give me and my brother two rupees to buy Idlies from the nearby shop which made our break fast. My Grand mom never used to take a share from those Idlies in the morning. She used to eat the left over rice and butter milk as her break fast (she dint want to spend money on her break fast). We used to give the share of our Idlies to Rajah every morning. My grand mother was always unhappy that we waste her hard (and meager perhaps) earned money on Rajah. She couldn’t accept Rajah as part of our family ever.

Even in this new village, we lived in a house which had a big courtyard but the landlady of the house lived in the other portion of our house which was a little irritating especially when we (children) were told to be quiet always. Rajah was also not very happy because the landlady and landlord of the house always used to complain against Rajah and sometimes even about the presence of Rajah. They gave false witness against Rajah and asked my family to restrain his mobility. He could never freely move and play in the courtyard or outside the compound. I felt bad for him. I felt nostalgic for our past life in which Rajah was very cheerful and playful. Day by day he was losing his energy. I had a feeling that he was missing my dad, just as I was missing my mom and dad. Mom was attending dad at hospital in Hyderabad, a city not near to our village. Raja was very obedient to dad and he used to love to play with him. Rajah used to give poses to dad’s cam too. He used to take bath only when dad monitors him. That was the reason I started feeling that Raja was missing my dad.

Time passed (and changed too) that I got those colorful days of my life back once gain. Dad got well and one fine day mom came back with him. I turned the happiest person ever since my mom was with me and I was proud that dad was at home to protect me from the landlady’s complaints. Grand mom was happy too for us. I and my brother once again started playing with Rajah in the courtyard without fearing the owner of our house. Dad took too many photographs that year with his cam. I used to apply crimson red colour lipstick for photographs. Rajah gave different poses too. Jumping into the air and rolling on the ground etc were his famous ones. That year my brother learned karate, so he gave poses in that dress to my dad’s cam. I did not know those colorful days turn pale soon again.

Dad was seriously ill again. He was taken to the doctor by mom. Mom took him to Chennai hospital. Grandma, my brother and me also had to go to hospital to attend my dad soon. In that case, there would be nobody to look after Rajah once we go to attend dad. We requested our landlady (neighbours too) to cook rice and feed Rajah till we come back. They agreed. But I knew my owner’s family won’t do it sincerely because they dint like Rajah at all. They had even physically abused him once we went to school leaving Rajah alone at home. So, grand mom and mom thought that Rajah should go back to the village we lived in two years back to stay with my brother’s friend in whose house Rajah’s mother lives. When Rajah was small, he came with brother leaving his friend’s house. Rajah had twenty- one toe nails (toes too) which impressed my dad because it was believed that someone with twenty-one toe nails is equivalent to a tiger. Allegedly Rajah’s mom was still there in that village. So, I too thought Rajah would be happier there with his mother than in this house left alone without us. One day, my brother’s friend from the village came to take back Rajah to that village. Rajah was not ready or even prepared to be sent. I believe I don’t need to share my pain at that moment here with you. I wept that my beloved was taken away from me. But I knew he would be back soon after my dad gets well. But still I and my brother felt so gloomy and lonely without Rajah. The next morning, as usual, I bought Idlies for break fast. I ate two Idlies and left two for my brother in the packet itself. I went out into the courtyard of our house to wash my hands with water from the bucket. I couldn’t believe my eyes that there was….someone like…he looked like...no…it was Rajah. Yes! It was Rajah. I shouted, “Brother! Please come out and see the miracle! Rajah came back.” “Please sister, don’t kid me…” said my brother. “You please come and see yourself” I shouted once again. He came out and got shocked and surprised and contentedly hugged rajah. My brother was glad and surprised and happy. I rushed into the kitchen and brought one Idly from the packet to offer it to rajah. Only thought that occurred to my mind was that Rajah must be hungry. I dint know whether he was truly hungry. I did not observe whether he ate that Idly or not. Grandma was so worried that Rajah came back since we were to leave for the city soon to see my dad. My brother and I were chatting and discussing for too long about how rajah came running alone from the faraway village to this place.
My brother said, “Rajah came back from that village alone which would take us three hours to travel from here by bus itself.”
“Yeah, is it not unbelievable? I cannot remember the way to dad’s office from home. But Rajah can find ways to any place in the world I think.” I was so proud of my Rajah.
“I remember the story we were told in our childhood about a brother and sister taken way in the cart and they throw stones on the road to remember the way back…”
“yes! exactly…I was also reminded of the same story today brother!”

After a few days when my dad was still there in the hospital, I was taken to a neighbouring aunt’s natal house for a vacation. I was so depressed that I was missing my dad and mom a lot. So, that aunt thought that change of place would help me. I was doing little better in that aunt’s house. That aunt’s husband went with my mother to the hospital to help her in attending my dad. One afternoon, Aunt’s husband came to see aunt at her natal house. But I could not understand why he was taking me on his bike to some place which I could not guess. At first, I thought he was a bad man and going to sell me as I heard that men do often sell girl children to Bombay. On the way I read the name of the village on the board that it was the village next to our ancestral village. I asked my uncle several times that what was the need to go that village then. He dint answer my question but he said that all my family members were there and nothing to worry. We entered that village which we had gone only rarely before my dad fell sick for the first time. I was suspecting something but I dint know what was that. I was dropped in front of our old ancestral house around which a huge crowd of people were standing. I did not expect this. Nobody I knew were there. But all of them were sobbing and mourning. People were gazing at me. They gave me way to enter the house. I saw my dad was sleeping on the cot and all my family members were sobbing sitting around him. I also felt like crying. But I dint know whether I could. I thought they would make fun of me if I cry because I was a small girl. By the way, what was that smell? Was it of those Agarbattis? Who called it a fragrance? It smelled death for me.

After a few days everything was normal for everyone but not to me or to my family. I dint feel like playing or roaming around anymore. I was quite nostalgic for my smiles. I could readily shed tears whenever I felt like since all I do was just weeping. I came back to the village we were living in. I started to feel that going to school was an unnecessary affair because people there are heartless. Without knowing how I was feeling, they wanted me to do my homework.

It took time for me to notice that Rajah was not normal. All this while, he was fed by our landlady’s family. Was he angry that we sent him back to his village? We were not trying to disown him. I swear that my idea behind sending him back to that village was only to bring him back once my dad was alright. I tried to explain this to Rajah many times. Was he missing my dad? In that case, he would have been alright if my dad had come back home. I never told him about dad because I though that he would cry. But it was high time for me to do something about Rajah.


I gave him boiled meat and bones he used to like and ghee rice one day. I took him out with me into the garden another day. I unchained him completely then. Still, he was not fine. I could not say what went wrong with Rajah. From the day he came back home from that village, he never ate, he never played with us, he never ran or jumped in the garden, he never licked me, never nibbled my hand, never cuddles me in the night.

Pigeon and Me

My agency never sends me to any personal place like house, guest house or offices of the customers. But on a special request, this customer could make the agency agree to send me to his flat where he alleged that he lives alone. Booking was made for a day. I found out the customer was a foreigner when he came to pick me in a car. He asked me what my name was and he told his name too. I don’t remember any customer’s name for obvious reasons. In another half an hour or so I entered his flat with him. It’s a double bed room flat with a spacious hall where there was a bit of furniture like a sofa set and a TV. I found nothing else much as in other middle class houses in the hall. But there were two more men over there watching TV and talking. As soon as I entered the hall, both the guys turned to look at me. The Foreigner introduced me by my name to them. Though it was little strange for me, I said hi when they said hi. They were foreigners too. One of them was middle aged and the other was as young as the foreigner. Middle aged man smiled at me and said, “you can go inside” showing his hand towards a bed room that is close to the kitchen and little far from where they are sitting. I was escorted by the foreigner to the bed room where I could see a huge bed with pale green colour bed sheets spread neatly. There was a chair next to it and a table on which a few books, pens, files and note pads were scattered. He asked me to sit. I sat on the bed. He left the room. I just moved around and looked at the books.


It seemed that the other two men left the house, but it also sounded as if there were a few people in the house. He came inside the bed room smiling at me. I smiled at him too. He said “the servant girls came”. Though I dint bother to ask him which country he belonged to, I remember that he was not at ease to pronounce the words in English. He sat on the chair. He was gazing at me with a smile on his face as if he was examining me. There was a knock at the bedroom door. He opened. There was a young teen girl standing covering her head with a scarf. I guessed she is a Muslim girl. She asked, “bhaiya, aaj khane mein kya banavu?” and giggled when she noticed me sitting on the bed. He could not understand what the girl said in Urdu. I translated it for him. He told me, “There is chicken in the fridge. Tell her to make biryani”. But this time, before I finished translating the foreigner’s words, the girl ran into the kitchen blushing and giggling. Seemed there was another girl over there. I could hear them giggle and whisper so much.


He latched the door. He sat next to me on the bed. His hands were quickly moving to remove my clothes. As usual I did not respond much. I was cold. It was just like a husband mechanically stripping his wife off whose marriage took place twenty years back. He completed his job soon and lied on the bed. I dressed myself up automatically and lied next to him. There was another knock. He was irritated a bit that time but opened the door. The same girl came blushing and said, “hum ja rahe hain.”. “How is Ganesh? Are you going to meet him?” said the foreigner in a teasing manner to the servant girl. She started blushing more and said, “ye usne diyatha” showing her feet with new anklets. The foreigner went outside the bed room into the hall. I think he was going to close the main door after the girls leave. I was sitting up on the bed and just turning the pages of a magazine from the table near the bed.


The foreigner came back into the bedroom in another few minutes. He closed the door. “It’s more relaxing now. There is no one in the house now” he said. He sat on the chair again and told me, “let’s have lunch.” I nodded. I remembered that I had been very hungry since I had not been eating properly for the past few days. A day before that was a whole night booking. That day morning I just went to the foreigner’s house without eating anything. He quickly moved into the kitchen. I followed him slowly. He took out two plates and started serving the food. There was such an appetizing fragrance coming out the biryani bowl. He served a little birayni into both the plates. He moved towards the bed room again. I followed him. He pushed a few books and things aside on the table next to the bed to keep the plates. He told me to freshen up. I went into the washroom. He did not start eating till I came out. I sat down on the chair and he on the bed. We started eating. He used a spoon. I too used the spoon to eat. He started talking to me about his family and country to which I did not pay much attention except that I learned that he was a student. My concentration was completely on the food. Even otherwise I wouldn’t have paid much attention since it’s not common that men do talk to me about anything. I finished the entire food he served for me in my plate. Of course I was not at all full or satisfied. He too was going to complete his food. I just waited till he completed. He took my plate and his plate too as soon as he finished, and went inside the kitchen and came back wiping his wet hands with a napkin. I was still hungry. I could not get second helping. I was a little hesitant to ask him for more food. I just kept quiet. A few minutes later, he pushed me back and started stripping me again. It was over soon.


The door-bell rang. He went inside the hall. Soon, I could hear that there were two or a few men talking to him. I thought somebody came for him. I just lied down on the bed. I was still hungry. I had nothing else to do to deviate myself from the hunger. I was thinking that this booking will end now since the foreigner seemed to be busy with something else. At least then I could go and eat food.

I heard some sound from the kitchen. I went to the kitchen’s door hesitantly and looked inside. I saw a pigeon from the ventilator flock into the kitchen and through the lid that covered the birayni bowl. I went close to the kitchen platform and kept the lid in place and turned back. Once I turned back, I noticed that the Foreigner also was standing at the door of the kitchen behind me. He asked me what happened. I told him that the pigeon entered the kitchen. “Shit…this stupid bird always spoils the kitchen!” he said angrily and went away. It sounded little harsh for me. I went into the bed room. I was thinking of the food in the kitchen.

In a few minutes, there was again some disturbance in the kitchen. I went till the kitchen door and looked inside again. The pigeon came again. But it did not disturb the biryani bowl this time. It just moved some utensils from the sink and flew back to settle over the ventilator. I went back and sat inside the bed room. The foreigner also was busy talking to his friends and did not brother to see what happened in the kitchen this time. I was thinking that I should just be dropped back home by the foreigner. But the booking was for a whole day which means it includes that night. So, he might drop me the next morning. I was a little restless since I was more hungry and the foreigner also seemed to be busy chatting with some guys in the hall.

I showed so much patience for some time. I endured the hunger. I felt I could not tolerate it any more. Then, I went into the kitchen, I removed the lid of the briayani bowl and took a big morsel of rice into my hand and put it quickly into my mouth. I went to the sink to wash my hand. I heard the footsteps of someone coming into the kitchen behind me. “what happened?” the foreigner’s voice came like a thunder upon my head. I did not turn my face towards him for a few seconds till I swallowed the morsel in my mouth and then turned back to him and said, “it’s that pigeon again.” He stared at me for a moment without any expression and then went back with an irritated face muttering something that I could not hear clearly.